


And Suddenly the Infinite and Penitent Begin to Look Like Home

by ambitiousbutrubbish



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, really more pre-slash but still, they hold hands and are in love and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5776846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambitiousbutrubbish/pseuds/ambitiousbutrubbish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe discovers where Finn fits.</p><p>(Finn knows long before he does)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Suddenly the Infinite and Penitent Begin to Look Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> Thrilled about the EU no longer being canon so I can finally stop pretending I don’t hate pretty much all of it.
> 
> (I don’t know how droids would copy things everything is holographs in Star Wars does anyone even write anything? Whatever just roll with it.)

General Organa sends him out on a mission. 

And yes, Poe knows that it’s as good as impossible to resist the Force if you don’t have a lick of it yourself. And General Organa had in fact _praised_ him for holding onto his secrets for as long as he had without ever having been exposed to the Force before. But still. He still gave up the existence of BB-8 and the map to Luke Skywalker to Kylo Ren and the First Order. It was still forced from him, still _taken_. And Poe had expected to be sidelined just a little when it was no longer immediately necessarily for the Resistance to have their best pilot (and it’s not a brag, it’s a _responsibility_ ) leading an attack.

So when General Organa asked him to fly a short recon mission to see if there was anything left after the destruction of Starkiller Base that might suggest where the First Order fled to regroup, Poe had agreed without even thinking about it. It’s only afterwards, once he’s left the atmosphere of D’Qar and preparing his starfighter to jump to hyperspace, that he realises that he’s left Finn all alone in the medcentre. 

Poe has no idea about the outcome of the ground rescue on Starkiller, doesn’t know whether or not Finn found his missing friend. All he is sure of is that Chewbacca walked away alive, all he had seen when he landed back at the Resistance base had been Finn’s limp body in the Wookie’s arms, and when Finn had been rushed away on a stretcher, Poe had been the only non-medical personal chasing after them. 

The doctors hadn’t let him in the room while they were trying to stop the last signs of life fleeing Finn’s body, so instead he had stood propped up against the wall just outside, staring hard at his feet. He hadn’t even heard General Organa approach, but he snapped to attention the second she said his name. 

There hadn’t been time for a debriefing, the possibility of finding a trail to follow after the First Order being too important to be allowed to go cold. 

It occurs to Poe now that he doesn’t even know if Finn is still alive. He could send a quick message back to Command and ask, but there’s nothing he could do, no matter the answer. There’s nothing he can do for Finn.

Out here in his X-wing, though, at least he can do _something_.

\--------------------

There’s a girl sitting next to Finn’s bed when Poe gets back to D’Qar. She’s patting down the sleeve of Finn’s medical gown when he sees her, and Poe stumbles to a halt at the closed door, not wanting to disturb her. He doesn’t need BB-8 screaming and whirling passed him to know that the girl is Rey; but it does, beeping excitedly and coming to rest against Rey’s leg. Poe would be jealous, but BB-8 is just so genuinely thrilled to see Rey that he can’t be anything but thankful to her for looking out for his droid and doing everything she could to bring it back home.

And for doing the same for Finn. The Resistance base on D’Qar is not Finn’s home, but Poe would like it to be.

BB-8 beeps something quietly that Poe can’t hear, but he does see the way its head spins to face him, and Rey looks up in turn. She looks confused, and a little hopeful too, and Poe flashes her the most friendly smile he can manage and walks into the room.

As he gets closer, he can see his old jacket, _Finn’s_ jacket, draped over Rey’s knees and hanging down so the hem and sleeves brush against the floor. The cut through the back left by Kylo Ren’s mockery of a lightsaber almost tears the jacket in two, running from the bottom to right about the area that would cover the shoulder-blades, were someone wearing it. There’s a hole in the shoulder, too, far too close to the neck for comfort, and Poe is hit with the knowledge of _just how close_ Finn came to death, the feeling of it like plunging into an ice bath. He’s not a violent person, truthfully, just someone who is determined to do the right thing and see this fight through to the bitter end, but at this moment he wants to find Kylo Ren and squeeze the life out of him himself. General Organa would be sad he knows, even after everything, but Kylo Ren reached inside his head and scraped it raw. Poe would dearly love to return the favour. With the blasters on his X-wing. With his bare hands.

Something of his thoughts must show in his face, because Rey’s tentative smile in return fades as quickly as it appeared. Poe clears his head of everything but the fact that Finn is _alive_ , and forces the grin back onto his face. 

Rey notices him looking at the jacket, regardless. She runs a hand along the undamaged shoulder. “The medidroids wanted to throw it out because it’s broken, but I wouldn’t them because it’s _Finn’s_ –”

She just looks so lost that Poe jumps to reassure her. “That was very kind of you, Rey.”

She’s shocked, for a moment, but covers it quickly with suspicion. “How do you know my name?” Rey demands.

“Lucky guess?” Poe jokes, but when Rey doesn’t laugh he smiles and answers more truthfully. “BB-8 told me all about you, and Finn said you were friends. I knew it was you as soon as I saw you waiting for him to wake up.”

Rey seems to be trying to remember something. “You’re BB-8’s master! Poe. Finn said you were dead.” Poe shrugs at what sounds like an accusation. “I suppose this jacket is yours, then. BB-8 said so, that Finn stole it. It’s why he and I met, actually...” She trails off sadly.

Poe is about to tell her that no, it’s Finn’s jacket now, that he gave it to him, but then he has a thought. Instead, he says “Thanks for saving it. It’s my lucky jacket - it’s the one I was wearing when Finn saved my life.” and he takes it when Rey offers it up to him. 

“Wouldn’t that mean you were wearing it when you were captured by the First Order, and then crash-landed on Jakku?” Rey asks, and Poe can’t help but laugh at that.

“Sure. But I’m alive, and Finn’s here and away from the First Order and I think that’s worth a little torture and dehydration, don’t you?”

And Poe was being flippant - he meant it, obviously, but there was a hint of a joke - but the way that Rey says “Yes” so definitively makes him feel a little bad, and a little in awe.

There’s a few beats of silence before Poe tightens his grip on Finn’s jacket and speaks again. “Well I was just checking on Finn on my way to debriefing, and I see he’s in good hands. But I can’t keep General Organa waiting forever.” He smiles down at Rey again, but although she nods at his words, she’s already turning back to Finn. Poe can’t say he blames her. 

He leaves BB-8 in the room, resting lightly against Rey’s leg and beeping softly, and heads back to his quarters. He wasn’t lying; he does have a debriefing session, but not for another few hours. He hasn’t slept since the attack at Takodana, and General Organa would rather him give a report when he’s fully awake and able to process information easily. He created a running log for his entire recon mission, so he’s not going to forget anything. General Organa knows he found nothing immediately useful, or else he would have sent the message ahead of him.

Poe doesn’t try to sleep, though. Instead, he sits on the single chair he has in his room, and pulls a sewing kit out from under the bed. He has never been overly talented at mending clothes, but he can do a serviceable job. Not a big call for tailors in the Resistance, so everyone learns for themselves by necessity. 

Poe can’t stay with Finn while he’s unconscious and healing. He has a job and a responsibility and a war to win for the future of the galaxy. But even if he can’t be there with Finn, he can still fix his jacket for him.

\--------------------

“What was it like, living on Jakku?”

“Lonely.” Rey replies. 

Poe doesn’t get much time in between his duties, but he uses what he has to check on Finn’s recovery. Sometimes, he even gets the chance to sit with him a while. Rey is always there, waiting. She is not particularly talkative - not unfriendly, just _worried_ \- and Poe thinks that’s the end of it, until she continues.

“I didn’t have much. Just some plants that were always dying and an old flight helmet that I scavenged from a wreck and and a doll that I made. It was a Resistance pilot. I never met any of you, but I saw them sometimes. Pilots, I mean. I always thought the Resistance was like something from a story.” She pauses again. “Jakku wasn’t home. But it was were I was waiting.”

“Waiting for what?” 

“Home to come back for me.”

There’s a silence where Poe genuinely does not know how to respond. There’s nothing he can say that can heal Rey’s past, that can give her the childhood she deserves. Poe knows that his childhood was not ideal. His parents were fighting a war, and when it was over he only got six years with his mother before she passed. But he always knew his parents loved him, that they had fought to make the galaxy better for him. Rey waited for a family that never came, and his heart aches with how much he wants to fix it for her. 

Maybe they can show her that her family did come, even if it wasn’t the family she expected.

“Was it me?” Poe asks.

“Was what you?”

“The pilot doll. Was it supposed to be me?”

Rey looks honestly confused. “I didn’t know you.”

And Poe will not laugh at her when she doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say because she grew up with only herself for company, but he has to smile at that. “It was a joke.”

Rey seems to think about that for a beat. And then she laughs, sweet and bright and joyful.

Poe is very much Not Into Girls, but he can see why someone might fall in love with Rey. Why Finn went back to the First Order to rescue her. 

Rey is _wonderful_ ; brave and stubborn and compassionate. Strong and hopeful. Poe heard the story of what happened on Starkiller Base first from General Organa in debriefing, and then later from Chewbacca and finally Rey. She was the one who told him about Kylo Ren trying to dig into her mind and instead making her aware of her channel to the Force. About running and hiding and running again, and then finally picking up Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber to save her friend. Not to save the galaxy. She doesn’t owe it anything. But for Finn. And for herself, for what Kylo Ren tried to do to her. She seems conflicted, not sure whether she did the right thing, not killing him when she had the chance. Poe doesn’t tell her what Kylo Ren _did_ do to him. No use confusing the issue more. And Poe knows that Rey must’ve been hurt and afraid; on Starkiller, on the Millennium Falcon, on Jakku before she jumped into this war because she wanted to help a little lost droid. But she just kept pushing on. 

A fighter. Poe admires that.

“Anything else?” He asks. “Friends? Boyfriend? Girlfriend?”

Rey screws up her face at that and Poe chokes down a laugh. “What is it with you two and asking about my love life?” She asks, and she turns her gaze back to Finn as she says it. But she doesn’t look as sad as usual. She looks fond.

“I was just wondering if you had anyone that you wanted me to go pick up and bring back here. Because I would be happy to, if you wanted it. Finn might have had another reason for asking.”

“Do you think so?” Rey asks, and Poe shrugs. He barely knows Finn, even if he sometimes feels like he’s known him his entire life. Like maybe his life restarted when he met him; like it did when his mother died and again when he left the New Republic and joined the Resistance. And he can’t speak for anyone, but especially not for Finn. Finn is the only one who gets to speak for Finn, now.

“I was very young when I was left on Jakku. I don’t remember where I came from or why I was abandoned or what my parents looked like. But I’m pretty sure I had a brother. Being with Finn– It’s the closet thing to how I feel when I remember having a family.” She pauses, and then finishes in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. “Do you think he’ll be upset?”

And yes Poe barely knows Finn, but he knows how he would feel, if someone said something like that to him. “He might be sad for a bit.” He says, slowly. “But I’m sure that he will be more than happy to be your brother.”

Rey smiles at him in gratitude, and they sit silently together by Finn’s bedside until a runner appears at the doorway to tell Poe that General Organa is requesting his presence.

\--------------------

The kids on Yavin 4 had liked to play a game they called Rebellion. Poe is sure that children all over the galaxy played at being the heroes that had destroyed the old Galactic Empire, but it was an especially popular game on the moon that had once been home to a Rebellion base. Where Princes Leia had awarded Han Solo and Luke Skywalker medals for blowing up the first Death Star.

Competition to play as Luke or Han Solo had always vicious, but Poe had always stayed out of it. He had only ever wanted to be Leia. Sometimes, the other kids would laugh at him and remind him that “she’s a _girl_ ” and anyway Princess Leia had never flown a spaceship right towards the heart of the Death Star, but Poe hadn’t cared. 

He knew Luke Skywalker. Not well, but sometimes he would visit and see how the Force-sensitive tree that grew in his front yard was flourishing. Luke was no mythical figure who only existed in stories that you could pretend to be. And as for Han Solo, well, Han Solo was _married_ to Princess Leia. Once, an old boyfriend had asked Poe why he never got jealous when other people had hit on him, and Poe had laughed and told him that it was because he worked all of his jealousy out of his system before he was ten years old. At the time, his boyfriend had laughed too, but that relationship had ended with him shouting that Poe didn’t even care enough about him to be bothered that people were trying to seduce him away, and that he was so full of himself to believe that he would never leave him for another man.

So Poe was always Leia, because Princess Leia had never given up on the Rebellion, had never stopped fighting the Empire, even when things had looked grimmest. Because she had _saved the galaxy_. While she was teaching him to fly, his mother had told him stories about fighting under her, and about the time she personally flew Princess Leia to Naboo. About how kind and strong and beautiful she was. How inspiring.

When the First Order started oozing out of the Unknown Regions, Poe left the New Republic and joined the Resistance because they were willing to take action against the them rather than simply hope they would go away and honour treaties signed in reluctance by their past. But he had hesitated at abandoning his post until Leia Organa spoke to him personally.

Even now, after he’s served under her for years, Poe still gets a little private thrill every time General Organa asks after him. It’s a little intoxicating that she trusts him; makes him reckless, that his childhood hero chooses _him_ for important missions. They all grew up, grew older, but Leia Organa is as inspiring as ever.

And when she asks how he is handling getting captured and tortured by the First Order, he can not lie to her. “I don’t think about it.” Is what he says. “I don’t dwell on it. On anything. On what’s been done to me, on what _I’ve_ done. I’ve killed people. They’re Stormtroopers, they’re the enemy, but they’re still _people_. Finn is proof of that. But there’s too much still to do to worry about me. When the doctors checked me out after I got back from Jakku they told me I’d probably have nightmares; phantom pains, flashbacks. But I haven’t had any of it.”

General Organa looks concerned. “You need to process your emotions” she says. “Or you’ll do permanent damage. You can’t hide from yourself forever.”

“I know, General.” Poe replies, and he smiles. “And I appreciate your advice. When this is all over, I’ll book the first available appointment with a psychiatrist.”

General Organa purses her lips, thinks for a moment. “When I was much younger than you, I watched my home planet be destroyed and my adoptive father killed. My birth father was Darth Vader for all the time that I knew him, and he tortured me for information to help the Galactic Empire kill all of my friends. I was the face of the Rebellion when I was just a child. My son was seduced to the Dark Side, and I haven’t seen his face since he was a boy. He killed my husband.” She smiles, and it’s a sad smile, but it’s full of a determination that Poe knows well. It’s the same feeling that he gets when he angles his X-wing into a dive straight at another ship trying to shoot him out of space. She claps him on the arm and walks away, calling back over her shoulder. “And I don’t have nightmares either.”

“I’ll take the second appointment, then.” He shouts, and General Organa’s laughter drifts back to him.

\--------------------

Rey has to leave before Finn wakes. The galaxy doesn’t stop just because a friend is hurt, even though sometimes it might feel as though it has. The First Order his still out there. Kylo Ren is still out there. And Luke Skywalker; he may have wanted to disappear, may have wanted to forget about the rest of the galaxy, but Rey is going to bring him back. He’s still out there, somewhere.

Poe is preparing for a mission when she knocks on his door. He doesn’t know how she found his quarters when she hasn’t left the medcentre since she arrived on D’Qar, but he has a sneaking suspicion that anyone on the base would do anything they could to help Rey, even if the only help she needed was directions. 

Poe zips up his flight suit as he opens the door to find Rey on the other side, clutching a piece of flimsi tightly in her hand. She looks sad, eyes wet, and for a sickening moment Poe’s heart stops in his chest and his stomach plummets to the ground before she speaks. “I can’t put off going after Skywalker any longer.”

Poe has the sudden and inappropriate urge to grin in relief, but he stifles it. “Finn will understand. And I’ll keep an eye out for him.”

Rey nods. “I know that. I want you to give him this.” She hands over the flimsi, and Poe sees Finn’s name written in a heavy, deliberate hand, letters indented into the flimsi - like Rey learned to write, but hasn’t practiced in a long time, and wanted it to be perfect. “I dictated it to BB-8 and she copied it out for me, so if the First Order never taught Finn how to read, I’m sure BB-8 has it stored somewhere. There’s just things that I wanted to tell him that I didn’t get the time.”

Poe takes the letter from her, and almost has to prise it from her grasp before Rey remembers herself. “I’ll make sure he gets it.”

They stand in silence for a while, watching each other.

“It’s better that you’re the one who will be looking after him.” Rey says, her smile all twisted. “I probably wouldn’t be very good at it.”

And Poe wants to hug her, to gather her into his arms and never let her go, show her the life and family that she should have had. But she just a job to do. And so does he. So instead takes her by the shoulders, holds her steady and looks straight into her eyes. “You are a good person, Rey, and anyone would be lucky to have you helping them. You would be wonderful.”

Rey doesn’t twist away from him or his praise, but she does look surprised, and when he lets go she takes a step back and says “thank you.”

“Good luck.” Poe replies, and finally smiles.

Rey grins back. “You need it more than me.”

And before Poe even manages to scoff at her she has turned and started walking away.

Poe chuckles to himself and closes the door. He’s still holding the letter Rey gave him, so it places it on top of Finn’s mended jacket. Then he grabs his flight helmet and heads to his X-wing.

\--------------------

Finn wakes while Poe off-planet.

It’s a routine mission, just a simple escort of supplies and volunteers to the Resistance, so he was the only one along for protection. Which he assumes is why they decided not to tell him about Finn until he returned to base. No distractions. 

He’s checking over Black One back in the hanger when Jessika comes sprinting in. Immediately, Poe goes into high alert, waiting for orders to come from General Organa through his comm, but Jess skids to a stop in front of him, rather than climb into her own ship. She opens her mouth to say something, and then doubles over, hands on her knees and lets out great wheezing breaths instead. Pilots are not particularly well known for their running ability. Snap comes striding in from the same direction, pauses a moment to watch Jess gasping for breath, laughs, and delivers the news that had them both hurrying to see him: “Finn’s awake.”

Poe drops the wrench in his hand with a clang and dashes off in the direction Snap and Jess had come from and makes it as far as the hanger door before he pauses, turns around and runs back to give the pair of them a kiss on the cheek and sprints again towards the medcentre, shouting a “thank you” back to them.

He pauses at the door to Finn’s room to catch his breath, and sees General Organa sitting inside. She and Finn are talking quietly and Poe can’t hear them through the transparisteel, but General Organa seems to sense his presence and turns to smile at him. She says something else, pats Finn on the shoulder once, and comes through the door. Poe straightens himself a little and tries to make his heavy breathing a little less obvious. He’s apparently unsuccessful, because General Organa smirks at him and says “Perhaps when Finn starts his physical therapy you should join him. Some cardio might be good for you.”

Poe grins at her. “Go to the hanger and see Pava before you say anything about me.”

“Maybe I should have all my pilots running laps then.” General Organa muses, and then laughs at the look Poe knows he has on his face. “You can see him.” She says more soberly, “But the medidroid will be coming back soon for a checkup.”

“Thank you, General.”

Finn is smiling when Poe steps into the room, and Poe is powerless to do anything but grin back at him. “It’s good to see you awake, buddy.”

“It’s good to be awake.” Finn replies.

Poe makes his way over to Finn’s bed, and collapses into the chair General Organa had been sitting in. He wants to ask Finn how he’s feeling, but figures he can probably answer that question himself. So instead, he tries “I hope they gave you the good painkillers.”

Finn laughs. “The General said something abut that when I asked why my back didn’t hurt.”

And there’s...the implication of something there, why Finn wouldn’t automatically know they gave him something to dull the pain, but Finn just woke up and he is _laughing_ , and Poe can’t force him to confront everything just now and he leaves it be for later. “I assume General Organa filled you in on everything?” He asks.

Finn shrugs. “I know that Rey fought Kylo Ren and now she’s gone to find Luke Skywalker. And I know that you blew up Starkiller Base. But I don’t really know _how_.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you, buddy.” Poe says automatically, and Finn blushes, just a little, which leads to Poe giving Finn an extensive description of the aerial assault on Starkiller, with particular emphasis on the way that Finn’s ground attack made it all possible.

He’s telling Finn how he flew into the hole in the thermal oscillator to destroy the conduit, and Finn’s eyes are wide and excited, when the medidroid comes whirring in. Poe abruptly stops his story and addresses the droid. “What’s the diagnosis, doc?”

“Spinal damage.” The medidroid says. “Severe burns to the back and shoulder. Mild hyperthermia when he arrived, but that has been countered.” The droid switches to Basic. “There were a number of different drugs in your system. They worked their way out while you were unconscious, but you may experience withdrawal symptoms; nausea, headaches, anxiety. You were lucky, though. No damage that we can not fix. You will even walk again, although it will be a lot of hard work.”

Poe grins in relief at the medidroid’s words, and looks at Finn to share the happy news. But Finn isn’t looking back. Finn has his eyes squeezed shut as tight as he can, tears hanging off the edge of his lashes and threatening to fall. He’s holding his body stiffly, ramrod straight in a way that can’t be good for his back injury. He is stiff and tense, all of him except the hand closest to Poe, which opens and closes convulsively as if Finn is grasping for something solid.

Poe doesn’t even think, reaches out and takes Finn’s hand in his own. Holds on tight.

\--------------------

General Organa gives Poe the next week off. 

If Finn had his way, he would start physical therapy immediately, but his medidroid had not allowed it. It insisted on bed-rest, and Finn has had just enough practice taking orders that he can’t refuse it. Poe, luckily for him, has had just enough practice defying them.

The first day Poe spends sitting by Finn’s bed, working through what Finn knows about the rise and fall of the Galactic Empire. The First Order, unsurprisingly, does not flinch from telling the legend of Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa and Han Solo, but in their stories the Rebellion is the lurking horror, sewing chaos in the order and purity of the Empire. Poe had always heard, but never really understood, the idea that everyone was the hero in their own story. Until Finn’s stories showed him how little twist was required to paint the Rebellion as dark as his parents had coloured the Empire. Teach fear as respect and oppression as peace and the First Order has a near-flawless recruitment strategy. 

To lighten the mood, Poe teaches Finn to play sabacc and then almost immediately regrets it. Finn isn’t a good liar, but Poe can tell that it’s not from want of practice, but a combination of painkillers and a fascination with learning new things that he can’t hide yet. Poe hopes he never can. But even so, Poe is a worse liar; good at hiding things like fear and anger and pain, but bad at pretending he has a good hand when he doesn’t. All he’s done is teach one more person to take all his money.

Even with the conversation and the cards, Poe can see how bored Finn gets before night even falls, and so the next day Poe steals in early with a power chair and springs Finn from the medcentre. BB-8 took lookout - or at least that’s what it claimed, but Poe knows the truth: it doesn’t like the medidroids, thinks they have no sense of humour while they complain it gets underfoot - and it is waiting for them just outside the door, dashing off ahead when they exist to make sure the coast is clear. 

It’s too early for most of the rest of the base to be awake, so Poe shows Finn to all the places he didn’t get to see on his previous, very brief stop-over. When breakfast begins to be served, Poe leads him to the dining all and introduces him to all his pilots as they come stumbling in in ones and twos. Finn, it turns out, didn’t get much of a culinary education with the First Order, so while the food choices on base are very limited, they’re still beyond Finn’s knowledge. Poe tells him to not worry about it, that he’ll pick him something good, and when he comes back to the table where he left him, plates filled with _everything_ , just in case, he finds Finn with Snap on one side and Jess on the other, BB-8 beeping at his feet, telling Finn about the time Poe ejected himself just before a crash, landed in a swap and then almost got eaten by a swamp slug before Snap fished him out. BB-8, the lucky droid, had landed on the bank instead. Poe takes a moment to thank the Force, the Celestials, whatever maintains the existence of luck, that Karé and Iolo are both away on missions - they have both flown with him longer, and have _far_ more embarrassing stories to tell about him - before taking a seat opposite. Finn looks concerned and confused and slightly overwhelmed, but more importantly he’s _laughing_ , he seems _happy_ , smiling across the table at Poe, and Poe only puts up a token protest to Jess and Snap.

Finn’s happiness practically evaporates when Poe takes him back to the medcentre after breakfast, and the medidroid shrieks at the two of them for taking Finn out without permission. Poe feels a little bad about causing Finn’s current state of distress, but that’s drowned out by the ill will he bears towards the medidroid for causing it by insisting on an immediate checkup. 

Finn is still in his medical gown, so he needs help to unbutton the back to expose his wound, and Poe shoves past the droid to do it for him. As he does, his hands start to shake as the wicked scar down Finn’s back is slowly revealed, and it’s a struggle to get the last button undone. The scar runs from between Finn’s shoulder-blades, down along his spine and curving slightly to the right at his lower back. It’s still an angry red. Poe wants to reach down and touch it, to sooth it somehow, and he takes a step back before he does anything stupid. 

When the medidroid is convinced that their impromptu trip didn’t do any damage, it wheels off beeping angrily to itself and Poe steps forward again to redo Finn’s buttons and help him sit up. It’s only then that he sees that Finn has been silently crying.

“You’re not hurting are you?” He asks, almost frantic with worry, wanting to touch everywhere too see what’s wrong, to offer comfort. “I didn’t accidentally touch something painful?”

“No, no.” Finn is quick to assure him, even as he sounds miserable and won’t look Poe in the face. “No, you were great. It’s just– it looks bad, doesn’t it.”

Poe sinks into the chair by the bed in relief. “I don’t think so. It looks badarse.” Finn doesn’t look convinced, even as Poe smiles at him. “And besides, we match now.”

“Wha–” Finn starts, but Poe is already standing, taking off his shirt and sitting down on Finn’s bed with his back facing him. Almost the entire right side is covered with a mess of scars and puckered skin, patches still shiny even years later. Finn hisses in a breath. “What happened.”

“First year flying for the Republic I got shot down by some pirates and crash landed.” Poe answers. “Luckily the cockpit was undamaged, but the engines exploded and I broke both my legs. I had to pull myself out of the wreck, and when I did I landed on a piece of titanium that must have been superheated in the explosion. I rolled off pretty quickly, but it was still enough to do all of this.”

Poe had been self-conscious about the burn for years, devastated that it so clearly displayed his own failure. But over time he had learned to accept it as a part of him, a reminder to always be better than the other pilot, always be alert for an ambush. He’s sure that Finn will eventually feel something similar for his own scar.

Finn’s question snaps him out of his musing. “Can I–” He asks, and Poe looks around to see Finn’s hand hovering just off his back. 

Poe doesn’t usually let people touch his scars. They either feel too sensitive, or like nothing is touching him at all, and he isn’t sure which sensation is more disconcerting. But Finn looks like he needs this, stares hard and determined and Poe’s back, and Poe nods. “Course you can, buddy.”

He holds himself as calm as he can, is careful not to flinch away as Finn lays his hand on Poe’s back, across his ribs, runs his fingers up and down and along the raised scar tissue, fits his fingertips inside the indented skin. Poe keeps his breathing steady as Finn touches every part of his scar before leaning back against his pillows. Poe slips his shirt back on and sits back town in the chair.

Finn has fresh teartracks on his cheeks, but he’s looking Poe in the eyes again. “Thank you.” 

\--------------------

The night before he’s set to go back to work, Poe gets permission from Finn’s medidroid to take him out of the medcentre overnight. The droid had not been happy about it, but when Poe tells it that he’ll just take Finn out _without_ permission anyway, it agrees. He’s sure that somewhere in its programming it is as happy as it can be that Poe will soon be back on active duty. 

Poe leads Finn outside just after dark, to the outskirts of the clearing made for the Resistance base, where the grass grows thick and green. It’s slightly damp, but Poe re-gifted Finn with his old jacket that morning; with the knowledge that he would be needing some protecting from the outside weather, and the hope that he’d soon be able to wear something other than the medical gowns. He’d given Finn Rey’s letter the day after he woke up, but he doesn’t know if he read it.

Poe chooses a spot and tells Finn to stop, bends slightly so he can get Finn’s arm around his neck and then helps to lower him to the ground. Finn looks confused, but Poe smiles at him and gives him a gentle push to the shoulder and Finn lies down on his back with no protest. Poe follows suit. 

“We’re out in real space all the time flying around them.” Poe says “But I never really get the chance to look at the stars.” Finn doesn’t say anything in return, and for a moment Poe is afraid that he’s make some error of judgement somewhere and he turns to look at Finn. 

Finn isn’t looking back. Finn is staring at at the stars with rapt, wide-eyed excitement, a huge grin on his face. “Can you see your planet?” He asks, slightly breathless.

Poe huffs a laugh and tears his gaze away from Finn’s face to look back at the sky. “Nah, I’m from a moon a long way away” he says, but points anyway. “In that direction.”

Finn looks where he is pointing, at a cluster of stars, one of which is Yavin, where Yavin 4 orbits around Yavin Prime. They used to joke that the Sith were not very creative in naming anything that was not themselves. 

For a moment, Poe thinks about his father and what he could be doing, and about the Force-sensitive tree that grows in front of the house he grew up in. He’d like to take Rey there one day, to see that tree. He’d like to take Finn there, to see everything. He lowers his arm slowly to the ground. 

“What was it like, your moon?”

“A lot like D’Qar, actually.” Poe answers. “Right down to the military base. Although it was for the Rebellion, not the Resistance. A lot of trees. Mostly just trees. And old, abandoned and forbidden temples.”

“But you went in anyway?”

Poe laughs. “Of course. But only a few times. They weren’t nice places. They were built to honour the Sith as gods.”

They look up at the sky in silence for a while before Finn speaks again. “How many stars can you name?”

Poe grins at the challenge, and begins pointing out every star he knows for sure, and some he doesn’t, telling stories about the more interesting ones. Eventually, he notices the soft snoring coming from next to him and looks over to see Finn has fallen asleep. At some point Finn turned onto his side and started watching Poe talking instead of staring up at the stars. He had also, Poe is just noticing now, reached out and taken Poe’s free hand in his own. Poe lies there for a moment, looking at Finn’s sleeping face, feeling the warmth where their palms press together, before shaking himself lightly and disentangling their fingers.

He stands only to crouch down again, gets one arm under Finn’s arms and the other under his knees and lifts his sleeping form back up into the power chair. Finn stirs slightly when he’s seated, eyelids fluttering half opened. “Thank you for everything.” He says sleepily. “For looking after me. For helping.”

“Anytime.” Poe replies.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Finn.” Poe says, and he brushes off some grass that stuck to Finn’s cheek. Finn’s eyes flutter closed again. “Go to sleep. I’ll get you back safe.”

Finn smiles, and Poe waits, watching, until his breathing evens out again in sleep before slowly pushing Finn back to the medcentre. 

\--------------------

Poe gets sent on a two week search for new Resistance allies. He knows that his background as a Republic pilot make him ideal for seeking out individuals and planets that may potentially be sympathetic to the Resistance's cause, but the jokes that circle around the base that call him the poster boy for the Resistance are apparently worryingly accurate, if the First Order were so easily able to recognise him on sight. Still, he can’t say that he doesn’t enjoy the schmoozing that comes with the assignment, the occasional free glass of alcohol that gets sent his way. 

General Organa sends him updates in Finn’s condition hidden among the official mission briefs. He starts physical therapy two days after Poe leaves D’qar, and gets discharged midway through the second week, far earlier than anyone had thought possible given the nature of his injury. Poe is flying when he reads that particular piece of news, and he lets out a whoop and does a few flips through the air that have BB-8 squawking in alarm expecting an attack. Karé and Iolo complain about never getting any secret messages of their own in their mission briefs.

When the three of them land back on D’Qar, Finn is sitting in the hanger with Snap and Jess. Poe rushes the landing a little and he can see Snap and Jess laughing at him, but he doesn’t care about any of that, not when Finn is there, pushing himself - slightly unsteady - to his feet to greet them. BB-8 disembarks first and rolls its way over to Finn, beeping its concern and Finn laughs at it because even if he doesn’t know what it’s saying its meaning is clear and “oh”, Poe thinks. “ _Oh_ ”.

Because BB-8 is twirling around at Finn’s feet and Snap and Jess are grinning and Finn is _smiling_ at him and Poe feels like Finn’s smile lights up the entire world. He doesn’t know when he started falling for Finn, he hasn’t even known him for very long, but Finn just _fits_ , where Poe didn’t know he needed anyone until just now. 

He stumbles off the ladder from his X-wing with the realisation, but catches himself before he falls on his face and just stares at Finn. Karé and Iolo, who both landed behind him, clap him on either shoulder as they walk past, as perfectly in sync as they do everything. Once, when they were still part of the Republic, Poe had jokingly asked them if they shared a brain as well as a bed, and for the next two days they had answered everything he asked in a simultaneous monotone. He still has no idea how they managed it.

Iolo swings his arm over Jess’ shoulders and Karé and Slip do a complicated fist bump before falling into step behind them, the four leaving the hanger with Snap calling out for BB-8 to follow.

And then it’s just Poe and Finn in the hanger, watching each other.

“Hey.” Poe starts, because he can never stand silence, even when he doesn’t know what to say.

“Hey.” Finn replies.

“You’re walking.” Poe says, and it’s a stupid thing to say, utterly redundant in the face of Finn standing there in front of him, but Finn absolutely beams at him. 

“I’m walking.” He sounds almost giddy. “I’m not supposed to walk alone, though. Snap and Jess bought me here, but they’ve left.”

“I’ll walk with you.” Poe says, and he doesn’t even try to hide the eagerness there, the sincerity. “I’ll go wherever you want to go.”

Finn laughs, bright, joyful, and a blush darkens his cheeks. “Just for now, I think the mess is enough.”

Poe grins. “Mess, then. I’m already missing the real food we got to eat off-planet.” And he tells Finn about the nicest restaurant he ever visited on Coruscant as they start walking.

Before they leave the hanger, Finn slips his hand into his and squeezes hard. Poe holds on tight, and doesn’t plan on ever letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so headcannon time but basically I imagine pretty much all Force-sensitives as somewhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum (imagine the percentage of aro and/or ace in real life compared to allo/romantic and then flip it - that’s how many Force-sensitive want to bone/be romantic (Anakin, Leia)), which goes some ways to explain the Jedi Council’s total confusion about Anakin and Padmé, and why when he’s like “but I love her, romantic stylz” they’re all basically just “well, how about you just, you know, stop...that..?” So yeah. Aro/ace Rey who’s just so delighted to have _friends_.


End file.
